Christmas Eve 2011

Sledding anyone?

How's this for a birthday party? We actually celebrated Austin's birthday 2 weeks ago, with friends and presents, pizza and boffers. Still, not bad for an unbirthday party.

We had plans to go sledding way up in the mountains, but found a much closer spot just past Wetmore on the way. It was perfect.

Now, my kids have seen snow before...even played in it often, but usually only a few inches at a time. So sledding and tumbling and sinking in several feet of perfect powder was a new experience for them. We usually go on a hike for Christmas Eve, but thanks to a few good snow storms, we did this instead.

Eve and Austin spent a lot of time mastering a little boogie board and after a couple of hours they could make it...ah, about half way down the hill.

 Bingham and Soni were born to ride. They were up and down the hill constantly. I kept expecting them to beg to go home...or break an arm or something, but they were unstoppable. Almost every time down, Bingham would hit the powder at the bottom and go flying, and each time he came up smiling...face covered in snow.

I can't remember the last time I went sledding, but I remember being a lot more competitive than I am now; having to go the fastest or farthest, or jump the highest. This time I was pretty content to just make it to the bottom of the hill and I'm already feelin' the pain. Santa better bring an ice pack because the kids want to go back next week.

Halloween

If there was a Halloween Grinch it would be me. I don't mean to be. Dressing up in crazy costumes for one night of fun and unbelievable amounts of candy...who wouldn't like that?

Not me, I love that.

I think the problem is my issue with pre-made costumes. For some reason I have a strict belief that a costume should be made or put together with things that are as original as the costume idea itself....which of course, should be original. It makes no sense to me, I think that came prewired in my brain. Little by little I am learning to relax about it. After all, Eve and Sonya have been princesses many times. At first it was hard to let my child out of the house in such a generic costume, but I'm getting better at it and even enjoyed Soni's costume this year. She dressed up as a fairy ballerina, because really, how's a girl to decide?



I guess I should give her some credit, because originally she was going to be a princess fairy ballerina; so I guess she narrowed it down a bit.

In another big step toward relaxing and enjoying Halloween, I flat out bought Eve a costume. She had a lot of really cool ideas and they all involved me and a sewing machine spending a lot of time together. Not gonna happen right now. So I bought it.



Although and we did see several other Cleopatra's, her makeup was by far the best.

She also did Bingham's makeup. Some of you may recognize Bingham's costume. It's the one Ruth made for Audrey. I pulled it out of the closet to stuff it and put it on my porch and Bingham stole it. This was a very proud moment for me. I thought for sure he would go for Spider man again (no offense, Ross you are a pretty cool spider man), but this year he has had a strange obsession with scarecrows, and I must say...

...he made a pretty cute one.  The straw in his hat got a little itchy, but I told him that it made his costume cuter and the cuter you are the more candy you get. He took two buckets trick-or-treating, just in case.

Austin wanted to be a soccer player. Just a soccer player. Not even a bloody or headless soccer player. Just a soccer player. Easy since he just finished up his soccer season Saturday. I can do easy.

I wondered why he was choosing such an easy costume, and later I found out two of the girls from his team were doing it with him. Oh the influence of of the feminine charm.

Anyway, now that it's over, I'm actually looking forward to next year...why not, it's a year away...who knows, I might even find a costume of my own next year.

The Job

The first Thursday in August, I saw the posting.

The one for the job I had just decided (with out a doubt) I didn't want right now. At that moment I knew that if I applied, I would get it. My stomach was sick with fear. But why would I even apply? We had just decided that another year or two at home was the logical and best choice for our family. Still, I found myself asking Phil what he thought and I found myself agreeing with him when he said I should go for it.

All through the process of digging out my 12 year old resume and scanning my brain for people to fill my references, I kept telling myself..."I'm probably just supposed to do this to go through the application process. It's been on the back burner (ok, lets face it...it hasn't even been on the stove) for so long, I should really be better prepared." But deep in my toes, hidden behind well established self doubt, I knew that wasn't all, I knew I would get the job.

I filled a page with old college achievements and fancy synonyms for "stay at home mom." I used the word 'perspicacity' and hoped they wouldn't make me pronounce it in the interview....but no worries, I kept telling myself, there's no way I'll get an interview. But I knew I would, and I did.

Four days later I was digging through my closet for something besides jeans or my Sunday best.  At all costs I avoided my dress pants from 12 years ago that had for some reason managed to stay hanging in my closet. My last interview was a disaster, my only goal for this one was to not lock my keys in the car or to have an infant in tow who would, in the middle of question I didn't understand, throw up on my resume. That to me would be success. The rest didn't really matter because I didn't really want the job right now anyway. I had a stay at home plan...with details, all lined out for the next two years.

They gave me the job before I left the building. I tried to be shocked, but I knew it would happen. Not because I have all this confidence in myself, because I don't.  I just knew.

The whole time my mind said no, but my body just went ahead anyway. It was one of the scariest and peaceful processes I've been through. Almost three months later it finally seems like this might work. Even in the days that I break because I can't hold it all and the guilt I feel as dropped balls go bouncing out of reach makes me question where I stand...I still have the strangest peace. I know that the uncontrollable is really under perfect control and that's all I need.

I just know.

Mountains are meant to be climbed

It's been looming in the distance since the day we moved here. All 14,000 + feet of it just begging me, taunting me, relentlessly reminding me of my addiction to heights.

Pike's Peak.

It had to be done...

because I can...

this is what I do....

because it's there...

...whatever the reason, we finally did it.

Phil and I celebrated 15 years of ups and downs, rocky roads and amazing vistas, winding meandering paths and and straight up sheer climbs. We're far from being done, but climbing Pikes peak seems like the perfect way to celebrate it all.

We stated out early in the morning only to find out we weren't alone. The one weekend we had available to hike a mountain just happen to be the same weekend as the Pike's Peak Assent. We had about an hour head start on the race, and it took about one more for the racers to catch us. From then on, we spent a romantic anniversary with 2,000 of our closest running friends. It was fun cheering for everyone, and it was nice to know we were still on the right trail especially at the top where it gets kind of sketchy.

I've always thought mountains are built into my DNA somehow. The closest I've ever felt to depression was when I lived in SC without a mountain in sight. I can't describe how it felt the first time we drove up through the mountains after we moved here. It was like I could finally take a deep breath again after being suffocated for 3 years. I thought this was all mental until we got up to about 10,000 feet and Phil started to get a little light headed, while I caught my second wind. If it's possible to go down hill when your heading up a steep mountain, Phil did.

When you get to the tree line there are only/still three miles to go. After hiking ten, another three didn't seem like much....

right?

It was so amazing and beautiful. Climbing up above everything changes your physical perspective, obviously, but I always get a kick out out how it adjusts my spiritual perspective also. Without a doubt, mountains are meant to be climbed.

Sure enough those last three miles were tough. It was steep, a lot was sandy gravel that had us slipping back precious inches with each step. Oh yeah, and then there was the lack of oxygen...that added a whole new level of difficulty. I think Phil would have been content to sit down by the side of the trail for a few hours, but I, being the yin to his yang, had the crazy urgency to get to the top, and since he was about to lose consciousness and I was still of sound mind, we continued to the top.

I jest, but in truthfulness, we were both pretty exhausted when we got to the top so we hopped a bus and rode down the other side on beautiful paved roads. Made me wonder if the view from the top is as amazing if you don't have to work to get there. My instinct is to say no; to really appreciate the top you have to leave a little of yourself on the trail. On the other hand, I sure appreciated the bottom of the mountain even though we took the easy way down.

Fun Times

With a week off school there was a lot to catch up on, and "fun times" was pretty high on our list. More specifically the bike park. We went this spring and the kids loved it so much they have been asking ever since to go back. Phil even took the day off last minute so he could come too.

 

The teeter totter that Austin is going over below is tricky. I tried it once  and had no desire to do it again. It's pretty skinny and plus it's a teeter totter. Austin has just enough guts and skill to do it pretty well.

It took Eve a couple tries, but she kept working at it and some of the other ramps until she could do them all. Then she got off her bike for a break. She asked if it was normal for her arms to still be shaking that bad. I was impressed that she kept working at it so hard when her body was telling her to go sit in the shade.

Soni worked hard getting better at the sharp turns and steep little hills and sang songs the whole time. She even crashed once in order to get out of Bingham's way so he wouldn't crash....what a sister.

After a while I told Eve and Austin I would go up with them to the big hill and get some pictures. They came down the hills in good form and such focus.

It paid off and they caught some good air.

 

This was the last run of the day and I think Austin felt a little pressure to make it a good one. On each jump there is a high one and a low one. They both had been using the low one until this time.

Austin hit the high jump and went a little higher than we both planned. The top of the hill is about 10 feet flat before it drops down hill again. Ausin completely cleared the top and didn't hit for a good way down the hill.

I didn't see it, but he said he landed and held it for a second then lost it. He came walking back up the hill with blood running down his face. Later he told me his tooth was stuck in his lower lip and he had to push it out with his tongue...lovely. But it wasn't his lip that was making me nervous, it was the chunk of chin hanging down from his um..chin. It must not have hurt too bad (whatever) because he insisted we eat lunch before we took him to get it stitched up.

This was our first emergency trip with the kids and I think it was a good one. Phil and I were both there so he took the kids while I went with Austin. It wasn't such a huge emergency that we couldn't logically think our way through the insurance process and make sure we were covered there. It was a good learning experience....would it be horrible to say I'm grateful for such an easy accident to learn on.

We were in and getting stitched up in less than a half hour after lunch and I made it all the way to the third stitch before I almost lost my cookies. Such a strange experience, one minute I'm completely fascinated by the needle and raw flesh and the next, the room is feeling a little hot and I have to hang onto the side of the bed so I don't tip over. Luckily there was only four stitches and I made it by sheer will power to not look like a pansy in front of my kid. 

But the fun didn't stop there. While we were waiting for the nurse to come back with our papers, Austin got a little bored and stuck his fingers in the holes at the end of the bed...both hands.

They were stuck tight and when the nurse came back I was trying to work some soap down inside to get them out. She pulled out the packets of lubricating jelly and within 5 minutes had him free. Hope they didn't charge for that one, I don't know if our insurance covers stupidity. (I can say that because I too remember having my finger stuck tight and needing my dad and a whole lot of dish soap to get it out.)

Back to School!

I dread it, I welcome it, I panic as it gets closer and I anxiously count down til it's here. Who would be excited to have their kids gone all day five days a week? Who wouldn't? Count me in both groups. This year was even a little more difficult since I had already spent a week in teacher training (more on that later) and missed being with my kids horribly, but was so anxious to have a consistent place for them to go while I would be at work.

I took Eve to get her registered a week before school stated. We walked around the new to her building with all it's lockers and classrooms and different teachers and schedules. By the time we were done, she felt a lot better and I was completely freaked out. She looked so small as she got on the bus the first day...much smaller than even her first day of kindergarten, and I cried as I walked home from the bus stop alone.

 A month later, I think I'm getting used to the idea of my daughter being in middle school, and it has it's perks. I get to wake up early with her every school day and we get one on one time that I love. She still wants me to walk her to the bus (I guess she missed my cry baby display on the first day), and then she rides home with me in the afternoon. After I drop her off at the bus I have just enough time to go for a run before it's time to wake up the rest of the kids. And best of all, she got a cell phone (remember...freaked out mom) and she sends me funny texts all the time. I guess I can deal.

I missed dropping Soni and Austin off this year, but on the flip side, Phil got to. I missed there excitement as they got dressed and met up with old friends again.

Don't they look so excited? I have to believe their gloomy faces are because I wasn't there...also the reason Bingham is bare foot...sigh....

They all survived without me and now a month later they seem to have adjusted to the school schedule again. Austin is just pulling through his usual "back to school" rebellion and is finally making the connection (again) of self regulation and a happy teacher. Soni must not be getting enough homework because she has enough time after school to organize and create homework for Bingham and leaves us in the morning with strict instructions to make sure Bingham does his homework while she's gone.

Bingham goes to preschool in the afternoon and has met a new friend named Shark Boy and wants to be called Shark Boy too. I told him that we used to call him Laser Boy and maybe we could call him that again, but he wasn't impressed. For the Apple Day parade he was supposed to dress up as what he wanted to be when he grew up. He picked Spider Man. Honestly, I believe him.

Things you wouldn't know from reading my blog...until now.

1. I finally hiked Pikes Peak.

2. The kids started school.

3.  Eve is in middle school....YIKES.

4.  Austin has had an awesome soccer season.

5. I have a cool new/old window bench.

6.  Finally raced skyline drive.

7.  I have a new job.

8.  A million other little things that I would love to have recorded and shared but didn't.

I suppose number 7 is the main reason I I haven't said much about the rest. I suppose it the reason I have become one of the millions of bloggers who fade away quietly when life takes a turn for the crazy. Yesterday I was cleaning out a neglected corner of my life and found an old journal Phil and I started when we were married. I think the last time we wrote in it was when Eve was born, and my handwriting is horrible. So I'm going to keep clinging to this ol'e blog until....well at least for today. 

That's all I need

There are 24 hours in a day.

That's 1,440 minutes.

And 86,400 seconds.

That's a lot of seconds, but it only takes one....

to beat my son in the Apple Day fun run.

Just one second and I'm still on top...

at least 'til next year.

Austin: "Mom, you beat me?!?!"
Me: "Of course I did."

Why I Hike

This summer I had the opportunity to go hiking with the Activity Day girls. Thirteen girls ages 8-11, all giggly and happy with the unknown just up ahead. We started with a prayer and as we all gathered close one of the girls who had been on many hikes with her family, had some advice to offer.

"When it starts to get hard, just say over and over in your head, 'I can do hard things' and it will keep you going.

Then she added,

"I know I can do hard things because I have done them before."

She's ten and had just taught the #1 lesson of the day.

The first hour went pretty good with a lot of chatter, laughter and small detours up rocks and down to the stream. After that there began to be a distinct separation between those who wanted to make it to the end and those that did not. So we split up, I went on ahead and the other leader stayed behind.

It wasn't a really hard hike, but many of these girls had never done anything like this before and it required a lot of determination, and they were definitely determined to make it to the end. I say end, because the hike ended at an old sawmill, not the top of the mountain. When we finally got there all the girls were excited and climbing around taking silly pictures of each other....except for one. She looked disappointed...even angry. Turns out the end wasn't all she expected; where were the grand vistas???  All she could see was a pile of junk.

She's ten and taught me lesson #2: If it's all about where you're going you miss the beauty of the hike.

We headed back down and all of a sudden these girls who were about to collapse from exhaustion on the way up were running down the trail.

Lesson #3: Exhaustion is 87% mental.

Before long the 13% that wasn't mental caught up to them and they stopped to soak their feet in a pool. At first I protested since we were already two hours behind schedule.....

but the pool was perfect and they so deserved it. I gave them five minutes. They talked and laughed about the hike and how hard it was and the whole experience changed from something horribly hard to something they wanted to do again.

Lesson #4: Time to reflect can clarify perspective.

I keep thinking about this hike and these beautiful girls, and the lessons that were laid out so plainly. The last month has been a tough one with everything I had neatly planned out....OK, those who know me know "neatly" is probably an exaggeration...but yes, I have plans...and they have been turned completely inside out.

I didn't plan on working just yet, especially a job that is part time but requires full time hours. I didn't plan on my house being this messy, ever. I didn't plan on being stretched so thin I'm invisible. I didn't plan on teaching life skills instead of math. I didn't plan on hating it and loving it at the same time.

It sounds simplistic, but I can't say how often I have repeated to myself that I can do hard things. That this moment right now is what deserves my attention. That I'm not really exhausted, just because my head spins if I move to quickly. And, that if I don't take time daily to ponder and clarify, my perspective is horrible.

Go ahead, say it with me...

I can do hard things.

I can do hard things.

I can do hard things.

Finding Summer Part IV

My favorite date night activity is going on a walk. Simple, cheap, and easily accessible. It was on one of these lovely walks that Phil and I came upon a little garter snake in the road. It looked dead, but when we nudged it, it turned and snapped at us. Feisty little thing. When we first moved here Phil killed a blow snake not realizing its gopher eating potential and has felt bad ever since, so he went to great lengths to get this little garter snake out of the road away from deadly tires. It was quite a process, and a little funny.

A little while later it had started to get dark and we were just about home when we heard that sound that automatically invokes fear before you even consciously know what your afraid of. Phil had just about stepped on a big ol' rattlesnake. Good thing it wasn't as feisty as that garter snake or I would have been taking Phil to the hospital that night. Instead it just slithered off in the grass.

Phil got over his sorrow for killing the blow snake and took off running to get his shot gun...leaving me alone in the dark watching a riled up rattler. Now, I suppose a shovel would have done the job, but Phil has always been an all or nothing kind of guy, and by the time we were done, (one shot mind you) the rattlesnake was in 3 different wiggly pieces.  Austin had come out once he realized there were snakes and weapons involved and it's a good thing because he was the only one brave enough to reach out and get the rattle.

Finding Summer Part III

Austin has had an interesting summer. Right at the beginning he made some bad choices resulting in a broken window....and this is not his first broken window. In all fairness it really humbled the kid, he felt horrible and was more than a little nervous about what his dad would do when he got home. So we sat down and wrote out a schedule of work he could do to pay for a new one. I gave him several options, but weeding the garden was his top choice, so that's what he did. Every day. Even when everyone else was playing in the pool, or chasing around with friends he pulled weeds.

Honestly, I thought it was something I would have to fight him over, but it seems his sorrow was real, and for the most part he worked hard and willingly. I liked going out with him to get a few weeds of my own, and of course, I loved the time spent with him. He's a funny guy, so honest, and (shh, don't tell I told) screams like a girl when attacked by a baby toad.

One evening he started talking about the amount of money he had earned and it started to connect some dots for him. I've always had a list of jobs for the kids to do if they want to earn extra money, but they've never really taken advantage of it. It's hard to imagine a few dollars here and there adding up to anything substantial. But this time he could see that it does, and a whole world of possibilities opened up for him.

Now that the window is payed for, Austin still goes out and weeds or digs trees out of our field (elm trees are the only thing that grows in our field when we can't water). I'm proud of him and a little nervous he might break the bank. I might need to follow the example of my mil and establish a mission account....

Child: "Mom, can I have the money I earned?"
Mom:  "It's in your mission account"

Finding Summer Part II

This summer Soni and Bingham have been best friends. They play for hours in their own little world and really look out for each other. They make picnics for each other, build whole colonies for their polly pockets and trains, and take turns playing their made up games. For me it has been one of the highlights of the summer. I love it when my kids realize their best friends are each other.



Finding Summer Part I

Nothing like finally downloading your pictures onto your computer and finding months worth of fun times forgotten. School starts this week and we'll all be on to new and different things, so over the next couple of days will be my last ditch effort to catch up on celebrate summer.

Eve loves sleeping out on the tramp, but this year she had bad timing. The first time she asked was the first time it rained all summer....and then it contunied to rain every evening for the next two weeks. Finally we had a dry night so we slept out, just the two of us. In the middle of the night Bingham comes wandering out in the dark to find us. (Phil is not on top of his game in the middle of the night, so when Bingham came to find me Phil told him I was outside then rolled over and went back to sleep....YIKES) Next came Austin and some extra sleeping bags. The boys were a little chatty about the stars so Eve went back inside to sleep. Bingham woke up early, went and got my camera to snap a picture of me sleeping in (and by in, I mean out).

Pride will getcha every time

My house is old and my walls are ugly. I know. Still, I expect my kids to know that black sharpie pictures on the wall are a no, no.

So when I came upon this one...

not just a quick scribble, but an intricate drawing that must have taken a while, not to mention a little forethought, I was appalled.

It's amazing how fast a momma who doesn't usually yell can gather her kids when all of a sudden she does.

Immediately there was a volley of blame and denial. Soni said no way was it her, because she is a much better drawer than that. Eve said she was sure it was Austin.  Austin said that he was pretty sure it was Bingham (that was my guess too). Eve (who looks for every opportunity to get Austin in trouble) said it couldn't have been Bingham because it was too high on the wall for Bingham to have reached.

Then we heard a small voice coming from underneath the blankets on the bed.

It said, "The Bingham can reach that high if he stands on his very tippy toes."

Guilty.

Come again another day

The theme for this week is....

RAIN!

It has been so very dry this year, even in the spring we only got one or two rain storms. It's been a struggle to keep the grass and garden wet enough, and we only got one small turn at the irrigation water this spring. Then this week it all changed. Just like that. Every evening it clouded up and rained, and it made all the difference.

I remember growing up when every prayer was praying for moisture or expressing gratitude for it. It's different of course, when your livelihood depends on it  Even when I left home I continued to pray for rain. It was only when we lived in SC that it felt a little strange to pray for rain when we would have such heavy rainfall, but it always made me feel closer to family to remember Juniper and to pray for rain.

My livelihood doesn't depend on what falls from the sky, but there is something in me that still does. After a week of cool rainy evenings, I can feel myself starting to relax and enjoy summer even more. And what good is a rainstorm with out a picnic, so we called up some friends to come roast hot dogs in the rain with us. It was perfect and we all agreed to not wait for the next rainstorm to do it again.

Only Sonya

Bingham caught a grasshopper tonight and as we were putting it in a jar to add to his ongoing collection of bugs, Sonya shared some interesting personal thoughts. She said,

"I think grasshoppers are handsome. They are the most handsomest insect. If I was a insect, I would marry a grasshopper. They are especially handsome when they stand up on their hind legs."



Then when she saw my incredulous look she said,

"What, don't you thing they're handsome?"

I was speechless.

Floating Lake

Eleven hours is a LONG time to be in a car. For some reason we have no problem with driving the nine hours to Utah, but adding two more on the trip home from Idaho just seems to put us over the edge. We’ve got stories of  sick kids, wet pants, screaming little ones…such things that shouldn’t be written in a blog. This time on the way home we planned a diversion. We’d seen the signs for Hanging Lake on the way to Utah and it seemed like something we should see.

And so we planned.

The hardest part was getting off the freeway. There was a sign that said the exit was closed, but just as we passed it we realized it wasn’t closed so we hit the next exit, turned around to come back. When this part of I-70 was built there was a lot of effort put into creating a road that didn’t disturb the landscape; so, they only had room for one exit. So, we had to go back east 2 exits, turn around again and come back west to finally get off at the Hanging Lake exit.  Of course when we were done with the hike we had to get back on the only on ramp heading west and turn around at the next exit…again, to head home.

Crazy.

But so worth it.

The hike was just over a mile, but pretty steep. It was perfect, just enough to stretch our legs and get our blood pumping, but not so long as to put us to late getting home.

As we were hiking there was a family that was hiking behind us for a while. Finally they made their move to pass us, and just as the mom went by Phil pipes up with, “Are you Mormon?”  We hadn’t even spoken to them at all, but turns out, he was right. He said he could tell by looking at their kids. I think there were a few other tell tell signs, but it was the kids that got his attention. Made me wonder what kind of vibe my kids put off…..

hmmmm….

they’re pretty cute anyway.

The lake was smaller than I expected, but so pretty.

This made it even more beautiful…..smiling, loving, sweet kiddos! 

Success.

And we all drove home happily ever after.