I used to think that it wasn't worth my time or money to make a trip home unless I could spend at least a week there. Twice now I've been proved wrong. From the moment I heard of Jeanne's death I knew I needed to be with family. Things fell into place beautifully. Phil wouldn't be able to take the time off work, but was willing to support me however he could. Originally, I thought I would take all the kids and just drive, but when I asked the kids about it, the only one who wanted to go was Eve. So we found a cheap flight and booked it. I am one who can worry and stress about the pros and cons of a decision to the point that my worries and fears make my decision for me. It felt so good to know this trip was right from the beginning and not worry about it again. It really set the stage for everything I witnessed and was a part of this weekend.
You can't go to a funeral like Jeanne's and not leave inspired to do better. The entire time when I wasn't laughing or crying, I wished I could be writing. Writing before I forget how urgently the Spirit spoke in my heart and mind of what is most important.
This is the short list:
Family.
See who they are, listen, always respond with love.
Get up off my butt and serve. Why and how will come later.
Write it down, now...details matter.
Goals and inspiration need to be where you can see them.
Kids need to write essays.
Set and work toward goals.
Laugh more....preferably uncontrollably.
Family is always worth it.
I have these little pictures in my mind that go along with this list....the kind of funeral pictures I want to remember and look at often.
Hands working, touching, caring, holding.
Arms embraced.
Shaking, determined last kiss.
Personal conversations.
Visual music.
Being misnamed.
Every one's place.
Family....always family.
We made it back home for Easter Sunday and my heart was truly ready for that day. The Easter bunny skipped us this year, and surprise...no one seemed to be to upset. In fact, it was a really good day for all of us and I felt very blessed to be sharing it with my family. And in that spirit today was a new day, the decision made, not by fear or worry but from a witness of the truth, that this family is ours to build.
As for tomorrow....
Monday, April 25, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
DI and other scattered thoughts
I have really struggled lately keeping this blog updated. My thoughts seem so scattered and I have had no time to connect them. I think scattered is better than nothing, so that's what you get.
Saturday was the Destination Imagination state tournament in Denver. Eve and I left at 6am and didn't get home til midnight. The girls were so excited to be there. I had told them that if they got a perfect score, I'd take them all to Disney Land. I love that they saw that as a realistic reward.
It was a LONG day, but they did awesome. I was proud of how they acted, how they treated each other and how they did their challenges. Good girls and I was lucky to work with them. They didn't make it to the Global tournament...they were a little bummed but the parents were all relieved. We've been at this since January and I think we want a little time off before next year rolls around. Speaking of rolling...that's what the girls did for at least an hour in between challenges. A steep grassy hill must be rolled down.
They had a dance to keep the kids occupied while all the scores were tallied. This was a first for Eve and I must say, it's been a while since I've had to bust any kind of move on the dance floor. But it's hard to be self conscious with hundreds of kids ages 4-17 laughing and having a good time all around you. I was also very aware of the fact that it won't be long before Eve would rather die than be seen dancing with her mom. So we lived it up.
Now for the prequel....
Friday night as I was getting everyone in bed we discovered Eve's bed was already being used by her cat...her cat having kittens. It was exciting for all, new life is always amazing. Unfortunately, what is beautiful in real life can sometimes just look disgusting on film, so I'll spare you the pictures. Mrs. Meow Meow (previously Oreo and more previously Meatball) is our third cat since we have lived here and also our first female. Maybe I'm weird, but I think having cats is a good way for kids to experience life and death on a smaller scale. We've already experience the death (poor Peace), so we had to do the life at least once....then Mrs. Meow Meow will probably have to lose her, um...meow. Now we have new sheets on Eve's bed and four cute kitties in a box. Soni was hoping they would open their eyes for her birthday but no such luck.
Now I just remembered I need to write about Soni's birthday.....
Saturday was the Destination Imagination state tournament in Denver. Eve and I left at 6am and didn't get home til midnight. The girls were so excited to be there. I had told them that if they got a perfect score, I'd take them all to Disney Land. I love that they saw that as a realistic reward.
It was a LONG day, but they did awesome. I was proud of how they acted, how they treated each other and how they did their challenges. Good girls and I was lucky to work with them. They didn't make it to the Global tournament...they were a little bummed but the parents were all relieved. We've been at this since January and I think we want a little time off before next year rolls around. Speaking of rolling...that's what the girls did for at least an hour in between challenges. A steep grassy hill must be rolled down.
They had a dance to keep the kids occupied while all the scores were tallied. This was a first for Eve and I must say, it's been a while since I've had to bust any kind of move on the dance floor. But it's hard to be self conscious with hundreds of kids ages 4-17 laughing and having a good time all around you. I was also very aware of the fact that it won't be long before Eve would rather die than be seen dancing with her mom. So we lived it up.
Now for the prequel....
Friday night as I was getting everyone in bed we discovered Eve's bed was already being used by her cat...her cat having kittens. It was exciting for all, new life is always amazing. Unfortunately, what is beautiful in real life can sometimes just look disgusting on film, so I'll spare you the pictures. Mrs. Meow Meow (previously Oreo and more previously Meatball) is our third cat since we have lived here and also our first female. Maybe I'm weird, but I think having cats is a good way for kids to experience life and death on a smaller scale. We've already experience the death (poor Peace), so we had to do the life at least once....then Mrs. Meow Meow will probably have to lose her, um...meow. Now we have new sheets on Eve's bed and four cute kitties in a box. Soni was hoping they would open their eyes for her birthday but no such luck.
Now I just remembered I need to write about Soni's birthday.....
Sunday, April 17, 2011
This first
There was a comparison made today in church of two rocks, both worn smooth by knocks and jolts. Sharp corners worn off and rounded down to a smooth surface. One ended as a nice round normal rock, the other a gem. The only difference being what was inside.
Jeanne Marie is a gem...I'm not good with the "was" word.
My heart hurts for her family and is filled with admiration for her and the way she lived her life. I am amazed and grateful to be a part of this family that is hers. I'm thankful that she chose to share this part of her journey with the family. Her e-mails and updates allowed me to not only get to know her better but to be a part of the constant prayers that were prayed in her behalf. After all, "prayer changes everything." (Becky said there was a sign outside Jeanne's home with that on it.) I am learning to never underestimatet the effects of a family praying together.
I couldn't help but think about who was there to greet her. Grandpa and Uncle Eric, and I know Ruth would have been there too...I'm sure there were others, but the thought of that trio made me smile. I've been missing my little sister lately, I just miss talking to her...saying things out loud and hearing her respond, but I love to think of her having these wonderful moments too; greeting and welcoming family in to that wonderful place.
I remember Jeanne coming down to be with Dad and help just after Ruth died and there was this moment at the end of the day when we were all gathered in the hospital. Joe had just arrived, and we were all so tired of being sad that we had slipped to the other end of the spectrum and were laughing uncontrollably at Joe describing a conversation he had with Mike. I looked over and saw Jeanne watching us and at first I thought she must think we were all crazy to be laughing when everything was so sad. Just then she caught my eye and I knew she understood it all. At that moment I was so thankful that my Dad had a sister like that.
Jeanne Marie is a gem...I'm not good with the "was" word.
My heart hurts for her family and is filled with admiration for her and the way she lived her life. I am amazed and grateful to be a part of this family that is hers. I'm thankful that she chose to share this part of her journey with the family. Her e-mails and updates allowed me to not only get to know her better but to be a part of the constant prayers that were prayed in her behalf. After all, "prayer changes everything." (Becky said there was a sign outside Jeanne's home with that on it.) I am learning to never underestimatet the effects of a family praying together.
I couldn't help but think about who was there to greet her. Grandpa and Uncle Eric, and I know Ruth would have been there too...I'm sure there were others, but the thought of that trio made me smile. I've been missing my little sister lately, I just miss talking to her...saying things out loud and hearing her respond, but I love to think of her having these wonderful moments too; greeting and welcoming family in to that wonderful place.
I remember Jeanne coming down to be with Dad and help just after Ruth died and there was this moment at the end of the day when we were all gathered in the hospital. Joe had just arrived, and we were all so tired of being sad that we had slipped to the other end of the spectrum and were laughing uncontrollably at Joe describing a conversation he had with Mike. I looked over and saw Jeanne watching us and at first I thought she must think we were all crazy to be laughing when everything was so sad. Just then she caught my eye and I knew she understood it all. At that moment I was so thankful that my Dad had a sister like that.
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