The Job

The first Thursday in August, I saw the posting.

The one for the job I had just decided (with out a doubt) I didn't want right now. At that moment I knew that if I applied, I would get it. My stomach was sick with fear. But why would I even apply? We had just decided that another year or two at home was the logical and best choice for our family. Still, I found myself asking Phil what he thought and I found myself agreeing with him when he said I should go for it.

All through the process of digging out my 12 year old resume and scanning my brain for people to fill my references, I kept telling myself..."I'm probably just supposed to do this to go through the application process. It's been on the back burner (ok, lets face it...it hasn't even been on the stove) for so long, I should really be better prepared." But deep in my toes, hidden behind well established self doubt, I knew that wasn't all, I knew I would get the job.

I filled a page with old college achievements and fancy synonyms for "stay at home mom." I used the word 'perspicacity' and hoped they wouldn't make me pronounce it in the interview....but no worries, I kept telling myself, there's no way I'll get an interview. But I knew I would, and I did.

Four days later I was digging through my closet for something besides jeans or my Sunday best.  At all costs I avoided my dress pants from 12 years ago that had for some reason managed to stay hanging in my closet. My last interview was a disaster, my only goal for this one was to not lock my keys in the car or to have an infant in tow who would, in the middle of question I didn't understand, throw up on my resume. That to me would be success. The rest didn't really matter because I didn't really want the job right now anyway. I had a stay at home plan...with details, all lined out for the next two years.

They gave me the job before I left the building. I tried to be shocked, but I knew it would happen. Not because I have all this confidence in myself, because I don't.  I just knew.

The whole time my mind said no, but my body just went ahead anyway. It was one of the scariest and peaceful processes I've been through. Almost three months later it finally seems like this might work. Even in the days that I break because I can't hold it all and the guilt I feel as dropped balls go bouncing out of reach makes me question where I stand...I still have the strangest peace. I know that the uncontrollable is really under perfect control and that's all I need.

I just know.

Mountains are meant to be climbed

It's been looming in the distance since the day we moved here. All 14,000 + feet of it just begging me, taunting me, relentlessly reminding me of my addiction to heights.

Pike's Peak.

It had to be done...

because I can...

this is what I do....

because it's there...

...whatever the reason, we finally did it.

Phil and I celebrated 15 years of ups and downs, rocky roads and amazing vistas, winding meandering paths and and straight up sheer climbs. We're far from being done, but climbing Pikes peak seems like the perfect way to celebrate it all.

We stated out early in the morning only to find out we weren't alone. The one weekend we had available to hike a mountain just happen to be the same weekend as the Pike's Peak Assent. We had about an hour head start on the race, and it took about one more for the racers to catch us. From then on, we spent a romantic anniversary with 2,000 of our closest running friends. It was fun cheering for everyone, and it was nice to know we were still on the right trail especially at the top where it gets kind of sketchy.

I've always thought mountains are built into my DNA somehow. The closest I've ever felt to depression was when I lived in SC without a mountain in sight. I can't describe how it felt the first time we drove up through the mountains after we moved here. It was like I could finally take a deep breath again after being suffocated for 3 years. I thought this was all mental until we got up to about 10,000 feet and Phil started to get a little light headed, while I caught my second wind. If it's possible to go down hill when your heading up a steep mountain, Phil did.

When you get to the tree line there are only/still three miles to go. After hiking ten, another three didn't seem like much....

right?

It was so amazing and beautiful. Climbing up above everything changes your physical perspective, obviously, but I always get a kick out out how it adjusts my spiritual perspective also. Without a doubt, mountains are meant to be climbed.

Sure enough those last three miles were tough. It was steep, a lot was sandy gravel that had us slipping back precious inches with each step. Oh yeah, and then there was the lack of oxygen...that added a whole new level of difficulty. I think Phil would have been content to sit down by the side of the trail for a few hours, but I, being the yin to his yang, had the crazy urgency to get to the top, and since he was about to lose consciousness and I was still of sound mind, we continued to the top.

I jest, but in truthfulness, we were both pretty exhausted when we got to the top so we hopped a bus and rode down the other side on beautiful paved roads. Made me wonder if the view from the top is as amazing if you don't have to work to get there. My instinct is to say no; to really appreciate the top you have to leave a little of yourself on the trail. On the other hand, I sure appreciated the bottom of the mountain even though we took the easy way down.

Fun Times

With a week off school there was a lot to catch up on, and "fun times" was pretty high on our list. More specifically the bike park. We went this spring and the kids loved it so much they have been asking ever since to go back. Phil even took the day off last minute so he could come too.

 

The teeter totter that Austin is going over below is tricky. I tried it once  and had no desire to do it again. It's pretty skinny and plus it's a teeter totter. Austin has just enough guts and skill to do it pretty well.

It took Eve a couple tries, but she kept working at it and some of the other ramps until she could do them all. Then she got off her bike for a break. She asked if it was normal for her arms to still be shaking that bad. I was impressed that she kept working at it so hard when her body was telling her to go sit in the shade.

Soni worked hard getting better at the sharp turns and steep little hills and sang songs the whole time. She even crashed once in order to get out of Bingham's way so he wouldn't crash....what a sister.

After a while I told Eve and Austin I would go up with them to the big hill and get some pictures. They came down the hills in good form and such focus.

It paid off and they caught some good air.

 

This was the last run of the day and I think Austin felt a little pressure to make it a good one. On each jump there is a high one and a low one. They both had been using the low one until this time.

Austin hit the high jump and went a little higher than we both planned. The top of the hill is about 10 feet flat before it drops down hill again. Ausin completely cleared the top and didn't hit for a good way down the hill.

I didn't see it, but he said he landed and held it for a second then lost it. He came walking back up the hill with blood running down his face. Later he told me his tooth was stuck in his lower lip and he had to push it out with his tongue...lovely. But it wasn't his lip that was making me nervous, it was the chunk of chin hanging down from his um..chin. It must not have hurt too bad (whatever) because he insisted we eat lunch before we took him to get it stitched up.

This was our first emergency trip with the kids and I think it was a good one. Phil and I were both there so he took the kids while I went with Austin. It wasn't such a huge emergency that we couldn't logically think our way through the insurance process and make sure we were covered there. It was a good learning experience....would it be horrible to say I'm grateful for such an easy accident to learn on.

We were in and getting stitched up in less than a half hour after lunch and I made it all the way to the third stitch before I almost lost my cookies. Such a strange experience, one minute I'm completely fascinated by the needle and raw flesh and the next, the room is feeling a little hot and I have to hang onto the side of the bed so I don't tip over. Luckily there was only four stitches and I made it by sheer will power to not look like a pansy in front of my kid. 

But the fun didn't stop there. While we were waiting for the nurse to come back with our papers, Austin got a little bored and stuck his fingers in the holes at the end of the bed...both hands.

They were stuck tight and when the nurse came back I was trying to work some soap down inside to get them out. She pulled out the packets of lubricating jelly and within 5 minutes had him free. Hope they didn't charge for that one, I don't know if our insurance covers stupidity. (I can say that because I too remember having my finger stuck tight and needing my dad and a whole lot of dish soap to get it out.)

Back to School!

I dread it, I welcome it, I panic as it gets closer and I anxiously count down til it's here. Who would be excited to have their kids gone all day five days a week? Who wouldn't? Count me in both groups. This year was even a little more difficult since I had already spent a week in teacher training (more on that later) and missed being with my kids horribly, but was so anxious to have a consistent place for them to go while I would be at work.

I took Eve to get her registered a week before school stated. We walked around the new to her building with all it's lockers and classrooms and different teachers and schedules. By the time we were done, she felt a lot better and I was completely freaked out. She looked so small as she got on the bus the first day...much smaller than even her first day of kindergarten, and I cried as I walked home from the bus stop alone.

 A month later, I think I'm getting used to the idea of my daughter being in middle school, and it has it's perks. I get to wake up early with her every school day and we get one on one time that I love. She still wants me to walk her to the bus (I guess she missed my cry baby display on the first day), and then she rides home with me in the afternoon. After I drop her off at the bus I have just enough time to go for a run before it's time to wake up the rest of the kids. And best of all, she got a cell phone (remember...freaked out mom) and she sends me funny texts all the time. I guess I can deal.

I missed dropping Soni and Austin off this year, but on the flip side, Phil got to. I missed there excitement as they got dressed and met up with old friends again.

Don't they look so excited? I have to believe their gloomy faces are because I wasn't there...also the reason Bingham is bare foot...sigh....

They all survived without me and now a month later they seem to have adjusted to the school schedule again. Austin is just pulling through his usual "back to school" rebellion and is finally making the connection (again) of self regulation and a happy teacher. Soni must not be getting enough homework because she has enough time after school to organize and create homework for Bingham and leaves us in the morning with strict instructions to make sure Bingham does his homework while she's gone.

Bingham goes to preschool in the afternoon and has met a new friend named Shark Boy and wants to be called Shark Boy too. I told him that we used to call him Laser Boy and maybe we could call him that again, but he wasn't impressed. For the Apple Day parade he was supposed to dress up as what he wanted to be when he grew up. He picked Spider Man. Honestly, I believe him.

Things you wouldn't know from reading my blog...until now.

1. I finally hiked Pikes Peak.

2. The kids started school.

3.  Eve is in middle school....YIKES.

4.  Austin has had an awesome soccer season.

5. I have a cool new/old window bench.

6.  Finally raced skyline drive.

7.  I have a new job.

8.  A million other little things that I would love to have recorded and shared but didn't.

I suppose number 7 is the main reason I I haven't said much about the rest. I suppose it the reason I have become one of the millions of bloggers who fade away quietly when life takes a turn for the crazy. Yesterday I was cleaning out a neglected corner of my life and found an old journal Phil and I started when we were married. I think the last time we wrote in it was when Eve was born, and my handwriting is horrible. So I'm going to keep clinging to this ol'e blog until....well at least for today. 

That's all I need

There are 24 hours in a day.

That's 1,440 minutes.

And 86,400 seconds.

That's a lot of seconds, but it only takes one....

to beat my son in the Apple Day fun run.

Just one second and I'm still on top...

at least 'til next year.

Austin: "Mom, you beat me?!?!"
Me: "Of course I did."